Grief
is a process which is on-going. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross popularized
a five-stage model of the grief process. She concluded that people often
go through five stages as they cope with loss. These stages are denial,
anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In the first stage, a
person denies the obvious: "He can’t be dead!" In the second stage,
there is a lot of anger -- often directed at God -- over the loss. There
is often a "Why me!" attitude. Guilt comes into play in the third stage.
"If only we had gone to another doctor. If only we had tried alternative
therapies... If only..." As one enters the fourth stage, he/she realizes
the full impact of the loss, and a deep sadness results. In stage five,
people begin to realize that while life will never be the same, it still
holds many good things. While forever changed by their loss, they make
the choice to start enjoying life’s blessings again.
| "Time
doesn’t heal...It’s what you do with time that heals." Bereaved
Parent |
People
don’t always go through the stages in this order and not everyone goes
through every stage. Like everything else in life, grief is an individual
experience, and every person works through it in a way unique to him/her.
People often recycle through the stages of the grief process. Eventually,
a person who has worked through his/her grief reaches a point where
he/she is in the acceptance stage most of the time.
Some
Suggestions for Moving Through Grief
Talk
about your grief with a caring listener -- someone who will allow you
to freely express your feelings. If you don’t have a strong support
network of family and friends, a priest/minister or a counselor could
be helpful. Family members may not be the ideal people with whom to
share your grief because they are grieving themselves. A friend or an
outsider such as a minister or a counselor may be a better choice for
this reason. You may want to consider joining a support group where
you will meet others who have been where you are and who can share strategies
that have helped them cope as they worked through the grief process.
| "You
can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there." Jeremiah
6:14 |
Grief
is hard work. Therefore, you need to take good care of yourself while
you are grieving. Bereaved people are an at-risk population, especially
during the first year of bereavement. The bereaved are more vulnerable
to physical illness than the general population, so take care to eat
nutritious foods, to get proper rest and to exercise in order to maintain
your health.
Other
Resources on the Internet
Compassionate
Friends (Bereaved Parents):
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
Widow
Net:
http://wwwfortnet.org/WindowNet/index.html
Counseling
for Loss & Life Changes:
http://www.counselingforloss.com/
Hospice
Net:
http://www.hospicenet.org/
Survivors
of Suicide (SOS):
http://www.main.org/sos/
Bereavement
Magazine:
http://www.bereavementmag.com/
Willowgreen:
http://www.willowgreen.com/default.asp
Center
for Loss:
http://www.centerforloss.com/
AARP
Grief & Loss:
http://www.aarp.org/griefandloss/
Bereavement
Self-Help:
http://www.inforamponet/~bfo/guide/index.html
A
Few Excellent Grief-related Books
Good
Grief
by Granger E. Westberg
Getting
Through the Night
by Eugenia Price
A
Grief Observed
by C.S. Lewis
